Indigenous Principles for Being a Good Parent and Grandparent
1) Value non-academic learning: Recognize that there are essential life lessons beyond academics and provide opportunities for children and grandchildren to learn and grow outside of a traditional school setting.
2) Encourage holistic development: Support children and grandchildren in developing physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Strive for balance in all aspects of their lives.
3) Avoid restrictions and time limits: Give children and grandchildren the freedom to explore and learn at their own pace without imposing strict time constraints. Allow them to experience the joy of being free before the responsibilities of adulthood set in.
4) Always preserve a child's and grandchild's dignity: Never put a child's or grandchild's dignity at risk, and always provide them with a way to escape challenging situations. Treat them with respect and ensure their well-being.
5) Choose positive reinforcement over criticism: Instead of being critical, approach situations positively and offer constructive feedback. Reward honesty to foster integrity and moral soundness in children.
6) Communicate effectively: When interacting with children, get to their physical level and speak pleasantly. Give them your undivided attention, which builds their faith, confidence, and respect.
7) Nurture the grandparent-grandchild relationship: Recognize the special bond between grandparents and grandchildren, and maintain it throughout their lives. Use terms of endearment to create a sense of belonging.
8) Promote security and protection: Be a strong spiritual role model and protector for your children and grandchildren. Stand between them and danger, ensuring they feel safe and secure with you.
9) Motivate and inspire: Dedicate yourself to motivating your children and grandchildren in all aspects of life. Show dedication, courage, compassion, and purpose. Offer sincere praise and gratitude to instill confidence and self-worth.
10) Allow room for growth and humor: Encourage your children and grandchildren to try new things and make mistakes, as these experiences contribute to their development. Cultivate a sense of humor, but avoid mean-spirited teasing.
11) Handle discipline privately: When you need discipline, please address it personally and avoid discussing it with others. Maintain the child's and grandchild's dignity and privacy.
12) Teach respect and values: Help children and grandchildren understand their role and place in society, emphasizing care for themselves, their families, and the broader community. Practice charity and kindness.
13) Recognize and nurture talents: Be attentive to your children's and grandchildren's unique talents and abilities, nurturing and recognizing them early. Encourage the development of their gifts.
14) Maintain trust and confidentiality: Create a safe space for children and grandchildren to confide in you and share their secrets. Help them navigate painful experiences by providing support and understanding.
15) Foster integrity and self-respect: Show children order and harmony in nature and teach them the importance of integrity and self-respect. Encourage them to admit mistakes and make amends when necessary.
16) Ensure clear communication: When explaining something to children and grandchildren, be explicit and ensure they understand thoroughly. Clarify any doubts they may have to prevent misunderstandings.
17) Cultivate curiosity and a love for learning: Encourage your children and grandchildren to be curious about the world around them and foster a passion for lifelong learning. Support their interests and provide opportunities for exploration and discovery.
18) Emphasize the importance of empathy and compassion: Teach your children and children to be empathetic and compassionate towards others. Help them understand the value of kindness, empathy, and treating others with respect and dignity.
19) Foster independence and responsibility: Encourage your children and grandchildren to take on age-appropriate responsibilities and develop independence. Teach them life skills and empower them to make decisions and solve problems independently.
20) Embrace diversity and inclusivity: Help your children and grandchildren appreciate and respect people from different cultures, backgrounds, and perspectives. Encourage inclusivity, empathy, and understanding of diverse communities.
21) Instill the value of perseverance: Teach your children and grandchildren the importance of perseverance and resilience in facing challenges. Encourage them to embrace setbacks as learning opportunities and to keep trying even when things get tough.
22) Promote environmental awareness: Educate your children and grandchildren about environmental stewardship and sustainability. Teach them to respect and care for nature and instill a sense of responsibility towards protecting the environment.
23) Encourage open communication: Create an environment where your children and grandchildren feel comfortable expressing their thoughts, feelings, and concerns. Encourage open and honest communication and actively listen to their perspectives.
24) Lead by example: Be a positive role model for your children and grandchildren by embodying the values and principles you wish to instill in them. For example, demonstrate integrity, kindness, and respect in your words and actions.
25) Celebrate achievements and milestones: Acknowledge and celebrate your children's grandchildren's accomplishments, both big and small. Recognize their efforts and milestones, fostering a sense of pride and self-confidence.
26) Support their dreams and aspirations: Encourage your children and grandchildren to dream big and pursue their passions. Provide support and guidance as they explore their interests and help them set and work towards their goals.
27) Create meaningful traditions and memories: Establish family traditions and create lasting memories with your grandchildren. These shared experiences help build a sense of identity, connection, and belonging.
Mato Gi, Brown Bear, Elder Phil Lane Sr., Yankton Sioux Tribe, 1/11/15 - 3/29/04
My beloved father shared these teachings in a letter to his grandchildren to foster a solid, nurturing relationship between grandparents, parents, children, and grandchildren and to promote their well-being and personal growth. I distilled his long letter into " Indigenous Teachings for Being a Good Parent and Grandparent."
Every child is unique, and tailoring your approach to their needs and personality is essential. Combining these principles with love, patience, and understanding can create a nurturing and enriching environment for your grandchildren's growth and development.
